But right now, it is the trip to Reynosa that I am afraid of. I am afraid of what it is going to do in me, after reading Ann Voskamp's post, which Joy linked in hers. I had already read Ann's previous post, and while I am sure I'll never be able to describe our experience as eloquently as she describes her, I'm also pretty sure the feelings the trip will create in me will be the same. I'm already feeling them, and we haven't even finished raising the money for the trip...haven't even packed or loaded up the van. But this...this post...this nearly undid me, and now I am afraid of going.
I am afraid that I will never be the same. I am afraid I will never be able to buy anything without second guessing myself. I am afraid that it will change me....that I will no longer want the things I want. Not that I want a big screen TV or a diamond necklace or a fancy car. But I do want a house...a few acres in the country where the kids can run around and we can grow/raise some of our own food. Will I no longer want that? I do want to help my son get his pilot's and mechanic's training (and with all the expenses that that involves). I'm pretty sure that won't change.
Blanca worked so hard just to give her kids the basics. Is what I want for mine too much?
Joy shared Shawn Groves' song "Enough."
Enough by shaungroves
What is enough?
As I see Shawn's pictures of the Ecuadorian home I think of the home we will build. Probably not much bigger. But at least it won't look like this:
I wonder why I am so unhappy with this...
Any why I think I need this (or something similar)...
I've had this dream a good many years. But then Blanca and Lidia dreamed for three long years for a sponsor.
How can my "need" compare with theirs? How can I want so much more when they just need what we would deem so little?
God, what are you doing...and going to do...in us through this?
I am afraid.
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This is an amazing goal! It's so exciting that you are answering God's call to be content and save to give. I love it!
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